HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

Those of you hoping to make use of The Pool of Tears today are in for a disappointment — it appears to have been shut down for the day to make room for a special event! Dozens of small vehicles that resemble pink flamingos are parked along the grounds by the pool, and others are being flown above it with varying levels of skill.

People wearing name tags identifying them as guest instructors mingle around the parked vehicles to offer lessons on how to fly the flamingos. They'll also allow the flamingos to be checked out to be used for recreation, regardless of whether the person checking them out has had flying lessons or not.

Why is this taking place in the pool area and not outdoors, you may ask? Why, because a crash landing in water is so much softer on the bones than on solid land, of course.

Or perhaps you were hoping to spend some time at the Caucus-Race, making use of the hotel's private gym. It seems that, too, had been taken over for an event — dance lessons! There are more guest instructors there to lead dances of all kinds, from groups to couples to private instruction. Even if you didn't intend to partake of them when you came here, you may find yourself bustled away and facing your partner for the lesson before you know it.

Still another handful of guest instructors have set up in the Mad Tea-Party, offering a variety of art lessons — from paintings to drawing to pottery to glassblowing! Have a glass of wine, or something stronger, and try your hand at one! Anyone who chooses to do so will get to keep whatever masterpiece they produce.

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

The guest instructors aren't the only ones visiting the hotel today. It seems some traveling merchants have come to pitch their wares, and they've set up shop in the hotel lobby. There's display cases of delicately crafted jewelry, all manner of glassware, bolts of fabric, boxes of precious stones and crystal.

Why come to them when you can get what you need for free from the hotel's boutique? There's just no comparison when it comes to exquisite craftsmanship, of course, or the quality of their raw materials. But should you need a reason beyond that — there's something a little magical about their wares. This necklace is spelled to ward off evil, that circuit will grant clear thought, anything made from this bolt of cloth will always keep the wearer perfectly warm or cool, carrying that crystal will give a boost of healing or luck.

They deal only in trade. Teas, if you have them, will fetch the highest price and get you the most unique items. If you don't happen to have a tea, you're not out of luck — they will also accept favors. Perhaps they will ask you to convince someone else to make a purchase as well, perhaps they will send you on a hunt for a specific item. Perhaps they will ask you for something more intangible, like the shape of a smile or the salt of tears. Not your own, of course, you must inspire them in someone else. Hopefully there's someone nearby who can help you with that.

III. SECRET MESSAGES

By your second or third pass around the hotel, after all the visitors have left, you may notice something that looks a little out of place. A loose rock in the otherwise solid structures of the pool area, a shimmer of green tucked in among all the white abstract sculptures in a hallway, an odd knot in the wood of a bench or chair somewhere in the hotel.

No members of the staff seem to have noticed it so far, but for that to remain the case you'll have to work quickly — and work together. Maybe the rock is up too high for one person to reach, maybe the sculptures are too heavy for one person to move, maybe someone needs to stand guard or distract the hotel staff while the other pries out the wood knot.

All those who succeed in retrieving the piece of heavy green paper hidden away will find the same message: a drawing of a caterpillar, accompanied by a series of numbers and the words call a friend.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

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